whisperedmemories 

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I feel like this is the only place where I can just let myself go, besides God. I haven't been here in so long. It feels different. Here I go.
So many people tend to complicate life. In all actuality its not that hard. I am guilty of this as well. Getting wrapped up in things of right now instead of concentrating on eternity, which is where My life will be spent.
I have a lot of people right now who i care alot about, and deciding how i care is just extremely difficult. Im sure im making it complicated, but I almsot dont care.
Some people from your past spring up, then leave. and when they leave again its ever so hard to let go. Almost like you dont want to.
Then when feelings of jealousy pop up over really lame things its always a bummer.
I am having a difficult time seperating feelings from truth. I know its not hard, and im striving to find the simplicity, its just almost in my grasp.


now your alone, in the words of a song, your a melody.


i want the melody playing within me again

when you look up

Its so hard to remember how to live. How to just..be. But the problem is I want to do more than just be,..I want to run after life. But I cant remember how to be. So I need to keep running anyway..like running in the dark. Thankfully I have a light.

the ceiling is spinning but then i look closer and realize its only me. This is the skin we hide behind.

~the spinner~

there and back again

seems like forever ago that I was here chasing memories and things best left forgotten. Now I can see my life from a whole different view. Now I can realize that what I need now can't come from anything you can give me. Only from what He can give. He gave the ultimate gift. And now I can only utterly surrender myself to him and his amazing love. I will try to get you to see. That is my life. HIM.

ending.

this is time of year we had planned so carefully. Now none of it will ever happen. I hope its all for the best. My love is gone, and I wont get to talk to love untill after I come back from my trip. Yesterday was hard, getting by without you. I hope that you thought of me, and everything that could have been. I hope you realize what you did to loose it. I hope you decide to do better. I hope that I wasnt just another sequel.
Love, I hope your time down south was stunning, and I hope your time here is even better. You may not realize it yet, but I am just what you need.
Cheers to the new year.

Entering a new era.

lines of suicide.

my heartstrings cease to strain i've aquired a taste for poisoned lips drank deep of this disease in me adored with prying eyes beneath a mask made of flesh and thorns collected from the ones she'd loved before her eyes were opened wide she now could see forever traced deep the marks she'd made with her razor the lines of suicide
-the agony scene-

the day of endings.

today was a long day. I realized things about myself and others. Today was the day that I finally accepted the fact that people aren't all good. I don't know if I could rewind I would. I have learned, and I have taught. I feel like a summer in a box. I was used and I realize that. It is hard to finally accept it. Love isnt what I thought it was. When you have a person you love, and they let you down. You can't forget it. You can learn to move around what happened and continue to live. But you can't forget. Not without divine intervention. and since no such intervention has occured I don't think that I am supposed to. I haven't gotten out of it what I should have. I need to sit down and let the memories flood my head, and let them drown me out. I need to learn. I have found a new interest, who is far from perfect but in my eyes just what I need. I didn't know if I could care again, but low and behold I do. I need to tell them. But I still need you. It seems that you are with me, unabling me to live. It is frightingly comforting. I can not live in your shadow any longer. I need to move on and take him under my wings. I need to embrace my life and live.

Your wings will meet mine.

once you get past numb.

these feelings inside cant be held back much longer. I didn't know if i could ever feel again. But I can. and it's stronger than ever. today you told me things about you that destroyed my picture of you. but with the glass that fell to the floor, with the picture that was torn, I can pick up the pieces. I still want you, no matter who you are. I love you for the insides. Your songs inspire me, I appreciate everything you are. My feelings might come out, I want to just give them to you. But I can't. Heaven only knows what you would think. So please, read into what I am saying and find the deeper meaning. I could dance forever to your song....

your dancer.

dramatize?

oh love, im overewhelmed. if only you were here to listen. I dont know where you are, just that part of you is here at least in my head. i would love to have your wings surround me, but i dont know if they could fit. Please tell me what your mind is thinking....

i could hide my thoughts from you in here forever.

hiding.

oddly enough

the past is hard to let go of, but you only make it easier. imagining how you are smiling at me, only fuels me more. i want to be there with you now, impossible as it may be. regret is a terrible thing, and i dont want to regret my handling your heart like i do another. so lets just run, untill we have no reason to hide.

your melody.

bruised from your lack of conviction.

thinking of the times i get to see you, they make me smile fondly. sharing pillows and movies struggling to make a point. but you do, you point me everywhere and in between, i just wish you would tell me what i need to hear.